Do the things that will..

Do the things that will produce results.

I have had conversations with some people that I did not like there behavior and essentially told a relating story where they could connect the dots themselves and not be hurt or feel a criticism and thought they understood the message.   Sometimes I have spent 8 hours talking with someone about an issue…. Only later to find out they did something similar that kind of proved they did not understand or take seriously the message.

So, once I spent a day talking about it, and then it happened again, I was only even more frustrated because they didn’t get the message, I felt like I was lied too.  Sometimes it seems like they just thought they could say the right things and smooth it over and I would “get over it”.  Meanwhile it seems like they really just thought “wow, he is upset so I better be nice for a while or I will be in a lot of trouble”.  And when they did that, they didn’t really pay attention to what I was saying… they were just paying attention to their own emotions of “I might loose this relationship if I don’t make things better right now”.

And then, something similar happens again… almost like they couldn’t help it.  And I am shocked… and left thinking wow, this person does not understand relationships or take what people have to say seriously at all.  They are kinda in their own world and is not capable to integrating with other people…because they will hurt them.

The video below answers a bunch of questions about this…including what to do about being in a relationship with a manipulator.

To get a better undrestanding of this stuff… Dr. George Simon has written a book (an affiliate link to the book is below)

What does it mean when people say you are smart? Find out here

In my childhood…I would say things and people would often comment that I was “smart”.  In my teens they said the same thing, and I was even sent to a gifted program at another public school to try out the gifted class for 2 days.

Having people call me smart was a reoccurring theme and even recently in my adult life I have people call me smart.  I could not really understand why I get that comment so much because to me its just obvious…but I still needed the answer.

And then, in this video of Eban Pagan…he starts to fill in the answer about 25 minutes in… (take a look)

How to design your life

I have heard this saying before… life by design.

But then, what exactly does that mean? I suppose it can have many meanings, or maybe it just has one?  If it does have one what exactly does it mean?  For some reason over the last few weeks I have had this saying bouncing around in my head:

Form Follows Function

For me this seems to mean stuff like the road is designed or formed in a certain way to allow vehicles to drive on it.  It has to be smooth, it has to last a long time and people have to be able to stop and go on it.

This type of thinking relates to the functions of our lives…the people we have in it, the friends, the family etc.

I have spent some time building businesses and many times it seemed I kept running to road blocks.  Each time I had to figure out the best way to get rid of the road block, go around the road block.  And even with taking care of the road block there are many ways and even simple to complex ways of doing that, and I have found it best to put some thought into which method to use.

When I hit a road block, I have come to realize that I have many options and some are quick and easy and some are hard and long.  And with out a doubt, each option chosen will result in coming up to another road block at some point.  This is why I have learned that some road blocks take time to come up with the best answer and others do not.  Essentially the first step to to analize the road block to determine if it is something that just needs a quick fix or does it need a long one.

One of the challenges in hitting a road block is that it might be the result of taking a path that was many years long…so it is not so easy to go back and start over… doing that could take 2 years or more.

With all that said, when choosing a life by design, the first part seems to be choosing to do something you like, or love and realizing it could be something that is a life long journey.  So it might as well be worth it.  And this goes back into living a purpose driven life… if you have purpose it will be worth while.  If there is no meaning to what you are doing…you just won’t care and will stop putting effort into the challenges of continuous road blocks that will always come.

At the same time, we all start out small and then learn the path with less road blocks, and even if you have taking one path and given up, start again and it will probably be easier to get where you want to go, because you have had the experience of the previous road blocks.

Here is a good video by Rick Warren:

The day after reading the 7 habits

So I have been reading more and more books lately and I have to admit that as I am reading more I am actually sort of getting used to reading more just like how going to the gym at first is a pain in the ass and then later on becomes something you just want to do every day.  The same thing is happening with reading books.

I have to admit that I was skeptical when watching Tai Lopez’s talk about reading lots of books.  Seemed kinda like ya right, don’t need the books, I can just do all of it myself.  However, I am pretty sure that was just a bad attitude of mine because after reading a lot more books I am drawing connections between them all and it is also giving me this impact:

  • reminder of principle focus
  • reminder to stay focused
  • keeps the noise of life from taking over my mind
  • its rejuvenating
  • increases my knowledge
  • can relate to what the top leaders are referring to when they talk about something in a book

And I have to add to that list and mention that it gives me a “common ground” as a lovely lady I know says.

So I have google play books on my phone for when I go chill in the park and like to read.  And now that I have read the 7 habits of highly effetive people I need to keep reading more, while at the same time implenting the golden nuggets I got from the books I already read.

As I have read more and more I am now turning into one of those people that is bookmarking the parts I really like.  Its a change from doing it in a book form to on my phone or laptop but I am sure I will get used to it at some point soon.

At the same time, I pretty much want to keep a book myself of the things I really gained from each book, so that I can review them later, efficiently and effectively.  That by itself is probably a good idea for a book or ebook.

Anyhow as I read more and more I am seeing how it benefits me more and more and essentially helps to keep my mind going in the right direction.  Because with all the noise out there in the world, coming back to principles or always staying with them is important for each persons success.

Now that I have finished the 7 habits of highly effective people

Miguel Constantin Montes I learned a lot about the framework of the 7 habits of success and I think it is amazing.

The book is well written and gave me a lot to think about and to put into my life.  I also saw some of the areas where I could improve and others around me.  I highly recommend this book.

If you are interested in the book, the link below takes you to it on amazon…its an affiliate link and I will make a commission from it which will help to support this blog and be appreciated.

I am so happy I read this book

Pixabay I have read quite a few books and watched a lot of videos about business and self improvement.  The latest book I purchased is .

And essentially, I am searching for some answers or some guidance in some of the things I have come across in life.

One of the questions I have had is why it is so hard to get small business owners working together.  I have set up business owners to meet and essentially be able to feed each other customers by cross or joint marketing and when they sit down together there usually seems to be a bit of tension about who is going to get what parts of the deal, and how each other makes money off of it.

I have come to realize that each business owner is going to see the entire deal in a totally different way.  And that itself is a hurdle to jump over.  It seems that it takes a lot of communication and patience to get the ball rolling on these types of things and starting with small deals is the best way to go…then after a bunch of small deals that have worked out they can build up to bigger ones…or as their businesses grow the small deals just turn into bigger deals.

With all that said, I don’t even think that most business owners think that way.  I certainly didn’t for a long time lol, so why would I assume they did as well.  So this has come to something that I feel I need to discuss in more detail with each business owner as a kinda of prep or just as good communication.

The next part is that many business owners might not keep in mind the concept of people will blatantly reject a deal if they see the other person getting more than 70 % of the benefit.  This has been tested in some studies (sorry I don’t remember what the studies were called or who did them).   This is something I keep in mind and have learned I need to communicate this to business owners as well.

The reason for that is I noticed the business owners would often seem to get really upset when it got done to the price of the deal and who gets what, at first I thought it was a negotiation tactic they were using to try to get a better deal but I later realized it was an honest upset reaction to a perception of not getting enough of the deal.

Now that I am reading , the author sheds some like back onto the issue in the sense of how to get people to cooperate.  He talks about dealing with a business owner who was trying to get a bunch of his employees to cooperate with each other while rewarding just the one that finished first…obviously this wouldn’t work, and didn’t work for the business owner.

With that in mind I have learned to look at the deal myself to see what I think is a 50/50 deal as an outsider and also to get each business owners perspective on what a 50/50 deal is for them.  Then I am able to see how far apart each owner is, how much time it might take to get them to agree on terms or if they are even close enough to be able to make a good deal.

Then, with that I also want to be able to effective communicate a vision of how being a business owner and being an interdependent business fully integrated with other interdependent business owners creates the ability to have exponential growth that is very powerful.   In other words, by the two owners working together they get way way more than they put into it…but they might not always be able to see that at first.

The book, also highlights the stages people go through to get to the level of interdependent and this has been very helpful to me, as now I can better assess which stage a person is at when I am talking to them and determine if they are ready to become interdependent when it comes to making a deal.

This book has been fascinating me.

Another step up in the automation process

Pixabay A while ago I signed up with buffer, which allows me to post on a bunch of different social media sites by clicking a button and a few seconds to post everywhere.

Now, I want to get even more exposure that just a few sites automatically updated when I publish a post.  More leverage if you will.

So I downloaded the jetpack plugin which is set up to automatically send my blog posts to facebook, google+, linked in, tumblr, path and one other.

This has already turned out to be a big help, cause half the time, once you are done writting a post, the last thing you want to do is have to spend another few minutes manually posting or even using buffer.  With jetpack publicize its just done for ya.


Habit 3 Putting 1 and 2 together

In the book there are 7 habits to learn (obviously lol).  The first three are about private habits.  And once you have read through habit 1 and 2, the 3rd habit is about putting them together and actualizing them.

As the book describes is about power of will in leading, then managing oneself.  I particularily like that the statement he makes…

Manage from the left, lead from the right

I have been told that I am highly intuitive and this is a right brain function.  For me the challenge is managing myself as I don’t like to do things methodically or do the same thing every day.

This is a personal challenge I will have to over come.  I heard somewhere else that it is a good idea to do 3 hours of chores a day.  That to me means, do the managing oneself for 3 hours a day max…otherwise I will go insane cause I like to be creative and engage with people.  Its fun and fills me with energy.

I also like getting sales daily, cause it gives me a bit of a rush and then I just want to get more sales.  It also sort of validates the work I have to prove that it is working.  It’s a great feeling.

Also, its about being able to make a commitment to oneself to act.  Otherwise we are acted upon…essentially giving up our own will.

And, going being that…its about putting first things first.  With this in mind, E.M. Gray says he found that successful people do the things that unsuccessful people don’t want to do.  They still don’t like doing it, but they do it anyway.

Then, getting into time management or really personal management.  Where do you spend most of your time?  Find out how to best spend your time in this book.  It is quite fascinating.