People do not resist this

Its a Sunday in London Ontario and I am taking a day to myself to get myself organized for the week and also tend to my goose, which will lay golden eggs.  ( reference lol) btw that is an affiliate link.

After reading the 7 habits book I was most struck by the story about the goose and the golden eggs.  In that essentially if you kill the goose to try and get more golden eggs, you end up getting no eggs at all.

It seems that so many people do this, myself included.  It can be hard to change a habit of not trying to get more out of something in the moment and relax into knowing you will have more the next day and even over the years to come if you take care of the goose instead of destroying it.

So here I am, sitting on my couch, and working on one of my geese (which happens to be this blog).  I admit that at first it was hard to get back into after leaving website stuff for a couple years…but now that I am back into it for a few months it gets easier and easier to sit down and write a blog post.

The other difficult part of blogging is getting used to putting yourself out there because what people will think of what you say can be a scary thing.  This seems to be one of the lessons of growing up… walk into your fears.  It seems like it will actually set me free.  And we all want to live a free life…just achieving it is a scary process, especially if you are going it alone, starting your own business and being responsible for a public win or a public failure.

After going through some amazing times of high achievement (at least for myself at the time) and then taking some pretty big hits and getting knocked down hard, I was sent into pondering and reflection mode for quite some time.  Usually I can easily get back up after a hit and learn the lesson and get back on the horse very quickly.  But the last time was a hit that I had not felt before and a lot of stuff was gone from life in one day.  I had a hard time with it…I was burnt out when it happened which was part of the recipe for a challenging time.

Now that I have gotten through most of the difficulties I am slowly getting back on track and building geese, one at a time.  Starting over was not easy but it is the way back to getting what I want.

During some of that time I had a few people trying to change me and I was trying to change a few people as well… cause we all thought it would help.  But after reflecting on it all I started to realize that you can’t change people (i think i knew this, but didn’t want to accept it actually).

I learned from this about changing people:

People do not resist change, they resist being changed. David Loney

People do not resist change, they resist being changed.

David Loney

How to design your life

I have heard this saying before… life by design.

But then, what exactly does that mean? I suppose it can have many meanings, or maybe it just has one?  If it does have one what exactly does it mean?  For some reason over the last few weeks I have had this saying bouncing around in my head:

Form Follows Function

For me this seems to mean stuff like the road is designed or formed in a certain way to allow vehicles to drive on it.  It has to be smooth, it has to last a long time and people have to be able to stop and go on it.

This type of thinking relates to the functions of our lives…the people we have in it, the friends, the family etc.

I have spent some time building businesses and many times it seemed I kept running to road blocks.  Each time I had to figure out the best way to get rid of the road block, go around the road block.  And even with taking care of the road block there are many ways and even simple to complex ways of doing that, and I have found it best to put some thought into which method to use.

When I hit a road block, I have come to realize that I have many options and some are quick and easy and some are hard and long.  And with out a doubt, each option chosen will result in coming up to another road block at some point.  This is why I have learned that some road blocks take time to come up with the best answer and others do not.  Essentially the first step to to analize the road block to determine if it is something that just needs a quick fix or does it need a long one.

One of the challenges in hitting a road block is that it might be the result of taking a path that was many years long…so it is not so easy to go back and start over… doing that could take 2 years or more.

With all that said, when choosing a life by design, the first part seems to be choosing to do something you like, or love and realizing it could be something that is a life long journey.  So it might as well be worth it.  And this goes back into living a purpose driven life… if you have purpose it will be worth while.  If there is no meaning to what you are doing…you just won’t care and will stop putting effort into the challenges of continuous road blocks that will always come.

At the same time, we all start out small and then learn the path with less road blocks, and even if you have taking one path and given up, start again and it will probably be easier to get where you want to go, because you have had the experience of the previous road blocks.

Here is a good video by Rick Warren:

When you aren’t winning…learn to start winning again

In public school everything was a breeze, my school sent me to a different school for 2 days because it had a “gifted” program.  I was actually super excited about going to it and trying it out…until…in the class there was a kid that used to go to my school and he was the one that got picked on at this new school.  The kid wouldn’t leave me and my buddy alone at recess and lunch.  It was annoying… cause I was one of the cool kids at my school.

On top of that…it seemed the kids in the gifted class were geeks.  At least to me they were.  So, when I got home I just told my mom that I didn’t want to go to the gifted program at the other school.

I returned to my school and was happy as shit to be there.  With my friends…havin fun.

At the end of grade 8, I was slotted to receive 3 awards… if I remember correctly they were sportsmanship, highest grades, and I cant remember the third one.  However, when my home room teacher read out the grades for the french subject, I only had something like a 63, however it was the highest of the boys in french so I celebrated winning….however my teacher did think it was appropriate to celebrate a 63 so she blocked me from getting the highest grade award for boys.

I suppose she was trying to punish me or teach me a lesson or something, but even now, more than 20 years later I can still say that it was a lame ass move on her part.  She could have easily talked to me about it, as would be expected from adults…however she hit me below the belt…even still I laughed it off… cause really it just showed her weakness and my power to influence her….cause it was just lame (I think I have said that enough now lol).

Anyhow, I got the highest grade of boys… but it was easy for me.  I was always the top or one of the top boys in sports as well… I was a natural.

Then high school came and it was easy too.  I didn’t work at it much and passed everything easily except english class, cause I just hated it.

Then on to my part time job I started at 16, it turned into a full time job at 19 and then I ran the joint at 22.  I made my own schedule, had a staff of 35 and was more or less just cruising along in the position at the time.

All of these things were relatively easy for me.  I just set my goal and did it.  I got what I wanted.

Later I started 2 small businesses, made money and was cruising along again.  I remember putting my feet up on the coffee table at home at 2:30 pm on Fridays and drinking a rye and coke and thinking THIS IS GOOD.

So all that was great.  Fast forward a few years… i got married, bought my second house, was running 2 businesses (and a full time job at one point).  I had a son as well.

And I started working 8am to 8pm 7 days a week, cause I loved it.  I was drinking a lot of coffee in the morning and drinking at least a 2L bottle of coke each day.  I remember when it was like a super big deal if there was not a full 2L of coke in the fridge in the morning lol.

Anyhow it was all good…for a while… then I got divorced… was kinda pissed about it and said screw it all and moved to another city.  My thought then was that I would just start something new and carry on.

However, in the years after that, I found that I got stuck working for some stressed out people in businesses that were not fun at all.  It was not anything like my previous part time job…which I ended up loving…that turned into me running the thing.

Then I worked with some other business owners, as an employee at one point and as a consultant with a bunch of other business owners.  All I found is that they were are all super stressed out… pretty much all the time.  I suppose, they were like me when I was working 8am to 8pm 7 days a week lol.

So, I have learned that if you want a regular job that you might end up loving…work for a big huge company…. and if they are trailblazing by providing a new product or service that is hugely in demand…even better.  Everyone will be happy, cause the owner(s) will be happy as the money is rolling in.

It is the strangest thing to think that some business owners will be very tough on an employee and expect them to turn around a be super happy serving a customer.  However, I have to admit I have done this a few times when I wasn’t in the best state of mind.  However I have matured and don’t do that no more.

Anyhow, my point here is that for the longest time, I was winning with work… and very easily.  And I have come to realize that the biggest contributor to it was that I did so when I was in a big huge company or even a school.  Cause…its just very different that working for a small company or even the individual business owner when they aren’t making money or even worse when they are in a huge amount of debt and trying to make it out.  And I am just the same, I have done the going up and the going down as well.

So, after myself doing the winning and loosing…I have drawn the conclusion that when you are loosing you just have to learn to start winning again.  There are a whole lotta options to turn it around.  Some are not so pretty…but I am certain there is always a way.  We just have to be wise enough to choose the right way and not get stuck in the death spiral of loosing for too long as there is a risk of it getting way worse.

The inspiration for this post really came from reading the book 

If you want to be successful, do this first.

In Ray Dalios book his talks about the difference between left brained thinkers and right brained thinkers.  As you might already know, right brained thinkers are considered to be creative people.  And Ray also says that if you put a left brained person with a right brained person they will frustrate each other.

So i would first figure out if you are left brained or right brained and then find a successful person to mentor you or to learn from that is the same type of thinker as you are.

And Tony Robbins has said that 80% of Entrepreneurs are Artistic, then if you are creative you are more likely to be a successful Entrepreneur.  And I think you should spent a lot of time with creative successful people… it will more likely be a good fit and easier and more fun to learn from.

 

Surround yourself in this

The wise successful people keep saying that it is very important to carefully select the people you associate with, your friends and family.  I have learned to pay careful attention to people and their energy.  Some people just seem to have good or even amazing energy and others the opposite.

I pay very close attention to this now, on a daily basis.  And I have gained some benefit from spending more time with good energy people.  There is a lot to be said about going to events as well, where everyone has good energy, such as personal growth seminars, business events etc.  The energy in the room will no doubt get into you when you are at these events.

Then there is also the advice from the very successful, to read a lot of books.  This I have started to do more and more over the last year.  And it definitely has changed my perspective on a lot of things in life and it has also resulted in different types of conversations with some people I know.  In particular, business owners.  Many times people will communicate about issues they have or are contemplating a decision about a current situation.  Being able to give good advice…based on leadership from the top success leaders in the world is a valuable resource to be knowledgeable about and providing others with that advice is a great thing to do.

Those are some of the benefits of surrounding yourself with books by successful people and watching videos by successful people as well.

Some of the people I have been into lately is Ray Dalio and Jack Ma.  One of the most fascinating things in Ray Dalio’s is that he says that when you put a left brained person with a right brained person they will frustrate each other.  So much for opposites attract!

As far as business goes I recommend Eban Pagan, Ray Dalio, Jack Ma, Tony Robbins (business mastery is great).  In particular, for the modern vision to technology and how a business is successful with it Eban Pagan and Jack Ma are very good at providing insights about it.  For business principles Tony Robbins and Ray Dalio provide a lot of insight into how principles work in any business.

As Jack Ma says, when he was growing up he would hear certain things from his parents, friends and school then what he heard from Western Tourists in China.

In this world, we are either producers or consumers.   Producers make money and consumers give their money and attention to producers.

Surround yourself with Producers and you will become one too!

Make some good people choices

Sometimes I am a bit of a rebel and like to try and do what is not supposed to work.  This works really well when i do the opposite of what people think I should do…provided those people are the ones with the wrong ideas.

This rule of not listening to negative people has proved itself over and over again.  And it has been a bit of a trap for me as sometimes after reading books from people with the right ideas I have also tested some of the stuff they say by doing the opposite and thinking it was fun…yet it only got me a bad result.  So even though it was kinda fun for me to do it as a test…when it was doing the opposite of the good advice it definitely went wrong.

Once you learn to listen to the good/right ideas and do those…things start to become a lot easier in life.  And when it gets real easy…I have to keep reminding myself that it took a long time to get where it was real easy so I shouldn’t get disillusioned cause so much stuff that was hard before is now a piece of cake.

The bottom line…don’t get high on yourself when you get lots of success and then go back to the old ways that didn’t work (even though it might seem funny).

Keep doing the good and right things then when it gets easy find out what it is you need to learn to get even more even though that seems hard.  I will call it leveling up.